“Dani you always wear the same blues.” My mom said looking me up and down, up and down, eyes scanning me from head to toe.
“That’s because I aspire to be a smurf,” I said straight faced, because you know what? It’s kind of true. Who wouldn’t want to be a cute little blue humanoid and get to live in a mushroom-shaped house? I would change my identity to “Frumpy Smurf.” It would be a perfect fit. But I digress…
So what are these so-called blues? The blues are sets of pajamas I have– all a shade of blue, not an extremely complex concept–which I wear on a nightly basis. Oh and I look forward to getting into them all day long, that sometimes I actually sneak them on during the day too. I know, so scandalous or face with stuck-out tongue and winking eye emoji-worthy crazy. Hands down favorite part of the day: taking the bra off and putting on the blues. And I am not some crazy “blue lady,” believe it or not, this collection of comfies is totally coincidental: The blue life chose me; I didn’t choose the blue life. There is one thing they all have in common besides their color scheme. They are so comfy like what I would imagine being wrapped-up in a Little Giraffe swaddle to feel like.
Anyway, my mom thought I could use a wardrobe overhaul. Which I translated into: Dani, I want to GET RID OF THE BLUES. All I could do was picture her throwing them in a big black garbage bag and me in slow motion screaming: NOOOO.
Viv plays with my blues all the time—giving me big “hugy hugs” in them, playing with my sleeves. I have a zipper on a sweatshirt that she pulls up and down as she giggles at the short hissing noise it makes.
For years when I was struggling with anorexia, actually the majority of my life, I cared so much about what others thought about me. You are not pretty enough for this person or not smart enough for that person. I heard the ana voices constantly screaming in my ears. Now, the only person’s opinion I care about is my daughter’s and she loves me, frump included. She loves me for me–no makeup, comfy sweats, and hair in a messy bun. A child’s love goes a long way. Babies just want to love and be loved. They are so sweet, pure and innocent. They know good people, so when you have a baby’s love and approval, you know you are doing something right. In conclusion, keep being you.
So my reply to my mom would be reminiscent of Cher in Clueless “as if” or “whatever.” Meaning, no wardrobe overhaul needed, but thank you!
So yes I will wear my blues. I feel my best in them and that’s all that matters because remember the comfy blue life chose me and now I choose it back.